Default Settings
Have you ever received a piece of advice that permanently lodges itself in the back of your mind? I have. At twenty-four, I landed my first full-time management job as one of eight Residence Managers at the University of Guelph. I was brash, overconfident, and convinced I was exceptional at my job, at least according to my own self-assessment. Having worked in student housing for five years, I was certain I’d seen it all and could handle anything thrown my way. Then a colleague said something that completely reshaped my perspective. We were gearing up for orientation week, and as a team, we were feeling very confident; after all, we’d all run successful orientations before. But one teammate gently grounded us: even though this ritual was routine for us, it was a brand-new, defining experience for incoming students. We had to lead with that fresh reality in mind.
As you hone new skills, they eventually become second nature. Ideally, they fade into muscle memory and subconscious habits, we create a "default setting." This happens with both our best and worst behaviours, often without us noticing. Today, when I see my team each morning, my default is to greet them warmly and connect personally before diving into work. That wasn't an accident; I deliberately cultivated that habit until it became automatic. On the flip side, I have bad defaults too. When proven wrong, my knee-jerk reaction is to talk endlessly, deflecting, buying time, and building verbal defenses. The more mistaken I am, the faster this default fires off. These subconscious habits directly shape how we lead. When our brains run on autopilot, treating every situation as routine, we react without real emotional presence or intention. Yet this is precisely how most of us navigate our daily leadership choices.
The core challenge in leadership is that our default settings often fail us when circumstances shift. Sometimes we lack the right skill; other times, our go-to behaviour simply misaligns with what the moment demands. When this disconnect happens, it triggers emotional tension. That exact discomfort echoes the advice from my early career: it might be routine for you, but it’s brand new for them or vice versa. Emotional tension is a crucial signal, bringing subconscious habits into conscious awareness. It’s an unlocked door inviting us to step through and challenge our defaults. Instinctively, though, tension feels like a door slamming shut. We tend to double down on our defaults because they’ve kept us safe so far. But relying endlessly on autopilot guarantees that our leadership will stall. Great leaders learn to view emotional tension not as a threat, but as a rich opportunity for engagement, connection, and growth. Early in my career, I relied heavily on extroversion, confidence, and sheer assertiveness to drive results, viewing emotional tension purely as a barrier to eliminate. For over a decade, my subconscious reactions often overrode conscious choice, sustained by surface-level success and an underdeveloped sense of emotional intelligence.
As I matured and took on broader accountability, my approach transformed. I wanted to be a leader who was impactful, genuinely respected, and deeply invested in people. To get there, I had to run toward emotional tension instead of away from it. True leadership meant getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. Embracing that tension forced me to confront my automatic behaviours and finally put that early advice into practice. I stopped viewing situations as repetitive loops and started approaching them with curiosity. When I became Associate Dean, I knew my old defaults wouldn't survive the scope of the role. I needed to build new, permanent habits around perceiving, understanding, and leveraging emotion—shifting from transactional management to transformational relationships. That evolution wasn't quick or painless, nor did it erase every bad habit, but it fundamentally elevated my ability to lead.
If you want to truly excel as a leader, you must audit your default settings regularly. Are your automatic behaviours aligned with who you want to be and what your team needs? To find out, lean into the emotional tension that crops up in your daily work. Decoding that tension pulls your subconscious habits into the light, enabling you to act with clarity, purpose, and intent. Exploring and rewiring your defaults is demanding: it costs time, energy, and deliberate self-reflection. Changing who you are on autopilot is never easy, but exceptional leaders make it a non-negotiable habit.
