Do I have Questions!

Have you ever been told that the questions you ask reveal your strength as a leader? I have!

I was reminded of this while I was preparing for a recent interview when I recalled feedback from years ago. I had been unsuccessful in a job interview, and the hiring manager told me I hadn't asked any questions at the end. He explained that good questions demonstrate interest and engagement, revealing more about the asker than the answers reveal about the respondent. I had always thought interview questions were simply to clarify the role; I had missed the point entirely.

From that point on, I've made asking good questions a crucial part of my leadership style. In this week's article, we'll delve into the questions people ask at work and uncover the link between question types and leadership.

I am going to explore three different types of questions and what those types of questions mean to the sender and to the receiver and what those types of questions mean in relationship to leadership. 

The Question as a Statement

Picture this: you're in a meeting, and the presenter wraps up, opening the floor for questions. Suddenly, someone chimes in with, "Are we moving forward with this idea?" or "When will this be implemented?" These seemingly straightforward questions often hide a deeper meaning. They're frequently loaded with intonation and body language, hinting at the questioner's true intent. In essence, they're using a question to mask a statement about their views, employing non-verbal cues to broadcast their agreement or disagreement. More often than not, it's disagreement veiled in a question to avoid rocking the boat.

From the questioner's perspective, they've made their point loud and clear. But the presenter might interpret it as a simple request for clarification or, if they sense the underlying statement, choose to sidestep conflict by simply answering the question at face value.

From a leadership standpoint, this type of question can be a tool for testing the waters, gauging the room's temperature, or sparking deeper conversation. However, it can also signal a lack of leadership skills to engage, resolve, or innovate – either on the part of the asker, the environment, or both.

While the question-as-a-statement has its place, it should be a springboard for more meaningful dialogue. As a leader, if you notice these questions popping up regularly, it's your cue to dig deeper and uncover the underlying meaning. If you're the presenter, try asking open-ended questions like "What am I missing?" or "What challenges do you see?" to encourage deeper thought. If you're the questioner, follow up your statement with a thought-provoking question. And if you're an observer, rephrase the question to steer the conversation towards a more meaningful direction.

The Question as a Trap

The second type of question—which, during election season, rises like a phoenix with the goal of destruction—is one that's meant to trap or attack the presenter. These questions are typically long, multi-layered, vague, and tangential to the presenter's main idea. They are, very clearly, an attack, and the asker's tone and body language mirror the question's intent. The goal isn't to get a specific answer, but rather to elicit a negative reaction, escalate conflict, or find something in the response that can be used to attack further or bolster the asker's position. The asker is not interested in building a relationship, or if they are, it's only to gather ammunition for the next battle.

Like many of you, I've been guilty of using these types of questions, particularly when emotions run high and it feels necessary to attack as a means of defense. I've also seen people use them to elevate themselves at the expense of others. These types of questions must be used very carefully. They can be dynamite for a team, used strategically to break open a situation, leading to a stronger team or a solution to a difficult problem. However, they are also dangerous to handle; they often create a bigger mess than intended, with shrapnel that can cause unexpected damage.

From a leadership perspective, it's best to avoid these questions and find alternatives to compete, argue, or engage in an adversarial way. However, leaders must be able to turn these questions into something positive when they are asked or when they are observed. Good leaders don't run from these questions. They are able to quickly identify what is happening and address the behaviour or intent of the question, setting a proper stage for a proper response and further engagement. The best response to these questions involves curiosity and trying to find common ground. If the asker is entrenched in their perspective, it signals to a leader that they need to get to know that person better. If there is common ground, a leader can find it and use it to build a better future relationship or solution. These questions are traps, and responding to them effectively takes more time, more skill, and more compassion.

The Question as an Invitation

An effective way to respond to the first two types of questions is for a leader to engage with the questioner. This isn't about answering a question with a question as an avoidance tactic; it's about asking questions that invite the other person to connect and share.

When I worked as an Associate Dean, I would get daily questions from students and faculty that were clearly statements, points of view, or disagreements disguised as questions. They would often come to my office unannounced (I had an open-door policy) looking for me to give them the answer they wanted, resolve their issues, or simply validate their perspective. My approach was to do none of those things at that moment. Instead, I saw these situations as opportunities: a chance for each of us to learn something about the other person, and perhaps even ourselves.

My strategy was to "sandwich" the issue at hand between questions about the person. I would start and end our conversations with questions about them, and in the middle, we would address the reason for their visit. Early in my career, I had learned that the person matters more than the work. I made a conscious effort to ask questions that would invite the person to share, connect, engage, express themselves, and feel heard. When dealing with someone for the first time, the questions were simple and demographic in nature, designed to put them at ease and open the door for connection. I would try to find common ground with their responses and use them as a springboard for future conversations. As the relationship developed, the questions would become more meaningful to the point that less questions were needed to start meaningful conversations.

Good leaders ask questions that demonstrate genuine interest in the other person. They aren't looking for data; they're seeking connection. Asking these types of questions requires the leader to be humble, curious, compassionate, and comfortable with the unknown. These conversations can often lead to unexpected places and create opportunities for everyone involved. 

Want to know if you're a good leader?

Here's a quick test: Ask those around you if you ask good questions.

Think about the questions you typically pose. Are they challenging yet inviting, personal and welcoming? Most importantly, do they explore what others truly mean, believe, and value?

If you're asking these kinds of questions, chances are you're already seen as a strong leader. Why? Because the ability to ask insightful questions, interpret their meaning, and use them to build diverse relationships is essential for effective leadership.

Want to become a better leader?

Start by answering questions differently – more personally and with vulnerability. Be bold: make a statement instead of asking a question when the situation calls for it. Avoid the trap of trying to win arguments through manipulative questions.

And above all, if you aspire to be a more compassionate and innovative leader, ask questions that truly matter.